Sayonara My Sanity!
by x.Kaze-chan
Summary: She was kind of like that girl who trips on her own feet only to look back up at you smiling brightly going, "OMG I FOUND A PENNY!" she drove him crazy and he felt like she secretly enjoyed doing so. AU SasuSaku
1. Bad Moods and Pretty Boys

**A/N; I know. I don't deserve to know how to write!! T-T I'm sorry my WANTED: A PINK HAIRED WIFE fans, I still haven't updated! It's just, I have a slight writer's block on that story! I'm sorry times a billion trillion crapillion! But uh… enjoy this story? It's a break from the drama! …Err… I think? Yea! Yea! It's another one of my pathetic attempts at humor!! T-T **

**I'M SORRY GOD! TAKE ME AWAY!! TO A SECRET PLACE! TAKE ME AWAY!! A HIDING PLACE!! **

…**I seriously need to stop listening to that song huh?**

**(I've been mourning over the fact that I have school in 4 weeks. It starts on that horrible day. The cursed day of 2008. The day… **

**SEPTEMBER 4 ((Insert hideous and dramatic music plus freaky creepy voice)) **

**Readers: (GASP!) **

**T-T**

**WHY?! WHY DID YOU INVENT SCHOOL DEAR LORD?? WHYYYYYYYYYY!? Y comes before Z!! Ok… enough of my silly and abundant rants… ONTO THE BATTLEFIELD- cough, cough- uuuhhh I mean……… story? Kyahahahahaha! ENJOY, MY SILLY LITTLE EVIL OBSESSORS!! **

--A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.U.V.W.X.Y.N.Z!--

Sad Fact—I don't even own a car. And you expect me to own a world known amazing million dollar manga/anime?! You freak! GO EAT BANANAS!  
-.- (Hint: it's a bit of a touchy subject for me, disclaimers, that is.)

* * *

_**Sayonara My Sanity! –1.one ((Bad Moods and Pretty Boys!))**_**  
**

Monday.

The day I hate the **most**.

You know why?

Because.

It's the first day of work for the week. And the first day is somehow always the most awkward one for me. I don't really know why either… it just happens ok?! Shit happens. Hahaha… you see what I did there? I said that funny little—ok yea never mind then. My friends say that I have the HUGEST LSOF (Lame Sense of Humor) ever. But I don't believe them.

I think I happen to be quite H-I-L-ARIOUS! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SCREW ALL PEOPLE THAT THINK I AM LAME! SCREW! SCREW!! SCREW!!

Oh that reminds me, I have to buy some screws to fix my cabinet… the stupid hinge broke _again_.

Sigh…

'_Who the hell are you?!'_

Who am I?! WHO AM I?!

'_Yea who the hell are YOU!' _

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?!

_Nope!_

Oh. That's sad. MUHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem, well my name is Haruno Sakura! Age 20! I have obnoxious pink hair that reaches a couple inches below my shoulders. And also these funny jade eyes. My mom used to say she could pluck my eyes out and people would believe they're real jades.

Che.

I couldn't sleep for 2 months straight without covering my eyes with a blindfold. I got fucking scared someone would really do that.

And I imagined it would hurt.

And it probably does.

I mean seriously, having someone just reach their fingers in and literally grab plus pull your eyes out of their sockets? That is _gory_. Ugh. I think I just puked a little in my throat. GAH!

Well time to go do my ever so routinely morning routine. Enter… my bathroom! Across from my room. I know… it's sad how I don't have those built in bathrooms directly in my room alone. But you see, I'm a 20 year old that lives oceans away from my parents (they're in America) and is currently staying in Konoha, Japan studying abroad.

I was born here but I moved over to America when I was about 5 I think? And I barely moved back here 2-3 years ago after I graduated from high school. (Tears, tears!!)

Oh… HIGH SCHOOL!

Ah… the days of childish crushes, drama, bitches, lame boyfriends, wonderful boyfriends, heartbreak, nosy teachers, and pimples.

5 words: SO glad that's all over.

Not that I'm saying anything. I mean my friends were the definition pawnsome. Aside from the constant pressuring my parents gave me, I kinda liked it. I didn't bother with boyfriends since I was just totally focused on schoolwork and getting all of it over the hell with.

But that didn't mean I couldn't have _crushes_. Well I was actually a pretty big nerd. Not because I have big buck tooth and wear funny looking HUGE glasses (not that I'm offending anyone, I mean I have glasses too!) But because I was probably the only one in school that didn't want a boyfriend and the ideal high school girl's life.

The IHSGL. (Ideal High School Girl's Life)

It was practically the biggest dream any high school girl had at my old school.

It consisted of eating with the jocks and cheerleaders whenever you want at _**The Table**_, hanging out with the incredibly cute skaters, laughing and gossiping with the most popular and prettiest girls in school, having senior friends when you're _not_ a senior, getting invited to dances not occasionally, having **the** most well known best friends ever, and _the one that almost any girl worshipped and dreamt of the most_—

The cutest boyfriend ever. The boyfriend that's well known all over the place. The boyfriend that's either a skater or a jock (or secretly has a killer 6-pack.) The boyfriend that will beat someone's ass up if they insult you. In other words: **The Boyfriend**.

And I? I, Haruno Sakura? What did I do and had?

The UAAGL. (Unwanted and Avoided Geek's Life)

I had best friends too. The ones that I could depend on, but also the ones people wouldn't take another look at. I ate at a random table nearly everyday with my said best friends. I didn't have _**A Table**_. I just had the cafeteria's tables. The ones available for geeks like me. In other words, the one that people would practically ignore.

I didn't hang out at incredibly cute skaters, I admired them from _afar_. You know, as in… didn't talk or got one look from them at all. I didn't laugh or gossip with the popular and prettiest girls in school. It's more like I was laughed at and gossiped about and the usual ignored by the popular and prettiest girls in school.

Meh. I didn't really care. As long as I was getting by and still living, I could give one crap about them all.

There was actually something I did in that list though. I wasn't senior but I had senior friends, the popular ones too, I know, shocker huh! It's because the seniors were more reasonable. The senior friends I had were considered nerds too, but in senior year, that was actually a thing people didn't care about.

My senior friends were popular, had good grades, and most people knew them. I was considered their 'protégée.' The one that would be one of the people that would 'reincarnate' them in my senior year. Hah. Laughable. As long as I was with my year of stupid monkeys fighting over one banana, popular was something I could just scream to God to give me.

I didn't care about dances either. Of course I got invited by my friends. But… I never went to any of them. You heard me, not even Homecoming or Prom. I didn't really care. It's just a place with boy and girls, music, making out, big dresses, and jealousy issues.

And last but not least, the one I never wanted to have—a boyfriend. Even if my knack for silly cliché romances were at the tip of my brain.

At least not in high school anyways. I would change schools than suffer a 4 year long drama.

Everyone ignored me.

Until Graduation.

My mom made me take my hair out of the ponytail I was so fond of since 8th grade. She took out my brown eye contacts. And gave me clear contacts instead so I don't have to wear glasses to Graduation and so you can see that hideous shade of green my eyes were. She dolled me up and gave me simple touches here and there.

Gave me a nice dress to wear. Shoes. And the dress was spaghetti strap and showed practically half my back.

I went to Graduation dressed like that.

And the first thing I hear?

"_Have I seen you before? You look familiar, but you're SO sexy!"_

The whole day out, people were talking to me. Popular people.

And you know what I have to say?

"_You're all so OBNOXIOUS!" _

You know what's surprising? They STILL talked to me after all THAT.

Che.

Brainless Bitches.

That was one day of my life I'll never get or want back.

Because me?

Haruno Sakura?

Yeah.

I believe in the type of love where there are damsels in distress that end up falling for the hero that saves them.

I am that kind of person.

I've never experienced true love, but I could dream and write and ramble about it on and on and on.

-

-

-

You know what I can't help but envy?

How Tenten-chan manages to still look so confident even when she's in a nerve wracking situation. I mean seriously, the girl is a genius! Somehow. For example, if we were stuck on a ship, this will be her, "So the kitchen is still intact right?"

Not that we've ever gotten stuck in anywhere before. Because if there's anything I'm really scared of, it's being _**stuck**_. Stuck in elevators, in rooms, in planes, in nearly _everything_. Why is it so traumatic for me? Well. I don't really know. The thought just puts me on edge. It makes me feel like while I'm stuck, some dude dressed in all black will just jump out of nowhere and stick a knife through my eyes.

Yes.

My _eyes_.

I'm a gory person I know, but I guess that's what you get for loving to write stories. A big imagination goes along with that. I guess it's some sort of combo pack. The talent for writing goes along with a H-UGE imagination.

I can have trouble sleeping and whilst that, I can make out a full story in my brain and make myself fall asleep.

Well back to the topic!

I really wonder how Tenten does that. How she manages to stay completely calm through every single little thing.

Maybe she was born with it or something.

…

…

Maybe it's Maybelline.

OK that was a horrible pun right there, excuse me.

Well you know what I do for a living?

Writing?

WRITING?!

Are you insane?! I'd probably get thousands of letters telling me how much they _hate_ it. I'm quite the cliché type of person obviously since I expect to meet 'the one' in a coffee shop whereas I accidentally spill coffee on him. Doesn't that just _spit out_ CLICHÉ and print it on my forehead??

Stories about high school. Stories about vampires. Love stories that end tragically. Yup. I'm that uncreative that I must make a story out of an already used too many times plot.

But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy writing. Writing is like my time to pour my true feelings out, feelings I can express in reality.

Because reality is just too tough for anyone to handle. You can say one thing and the next thing you know, you just turned everything upside down. Example? You're at a meeting and accidentally blurt out, "Oh shoot I've _got_ to go-go-go!!" you'd probably be fired for embarrassing the whole company like that.

And once again, no, I did not do that.

'_Suure.'_

Shut up! I didn't! Stop mocking me whoever you are!

Ugh.

Weird voices that come out of nowhere.

Don't you just _hate_ that?

OK, onto the point once more.

Nope. I don't write for a career.

I actually work at a café called The Honey Bean. Sounds like a cheap rip off of The Coffee Bean right? Yeah well Tsunade-shishou said she didn't know what else to name it and Anko-sempai was the one that pitched in the "_best"_ idea so they ended up with The Honey Bean. It's actually pretty popular now since it's probably one of the few other cafes in Konoha.

Meh.

Oh look at the time.

9:25

Time for my shift.

-

-

-

"What do you mean you don't know what you want?! You come in this café and tell me 'I don't know'?!"

OK. I have an explanation for my behavior! Seriously! The guy was uh… making traffic! Yeah! The café was overflowing with customers, and here he is, wasting our time, tell us he doesn't know what he wants. Oh boo hoo!

"Look Sherlock! If you want to make traffic, I suggest you go somewhere else that needs it! Because there are thirsty and hungry customers here that do know what they want when they step up to the order area!!"

Yes that was me. And yes people are staring at me in disbelief right now including Tenten-chan.

I had a bad day ok?! I don't need anything else to make it worse.

"This is horrible service! Where's your manager?!"

Oh my Kami. Did that bald DUDE just ask for MY _**manager**_?!

"She's sleeping."

Hey, at least I was telling him, the _truth_! Anko-sempai did have a habit of sleeping on the job. She's hanging around with Tsunade-shishou too much.

Well, anyways, at least I got the man to leave! Even if he was seething… but yeah!

Ah…

Oh shit. Did I just talk back to my customer?? Shit, shit, shit, NOOOO!!

…

…

Oh well! Being guilty isn't going to help anything! And besides, _I told you_ that Monday is always the most awkward day of the week for me! It's like a Cursed Day!

I grinned up at my next customer, my bad mood immediately fading away. As soon as I looked up, I swear I wanted to drop dead and die in heaven.

He was _**gorgeous**_. Yes, bold faced, italicized, AND underlined!

The definition of flawless perfection.

He had this beautiful flawless looking pale colored face with deep onyx eyes and spiky (chicken look alike) black hair with hints of blue in them. The curve of his nose was completely straight and it was quite big as well, underlining his masculine features.

His eyes though… they were… void of any emotion. The curve of his lips was set into a thin fine line.

He looked…

Helpless. Alone. Insecure. Lonely. Hopeless. _Scared_.

But it would take a really good microscope for you to tell.

But me?

My trained eyes could read people like a book by just looking into their own eyes. Like they say: your eyes are like the windows to your soul. But he hid it so good… his eyes looked nearly… _lifeless_.

Like a beautiful disaster. Yes lame. I know. I watch too many mushy gushy movies.

It was haunting… and I felt my heart race when he looked into my weird jade eyes. I took a deep breath, pushing aside every other emotion as I smiled shakily at him after my analysis.

"What would you like, sir?"

…

…

...

Was he mute? Or deaf? Why wasn't he replying?

Oh no. Don't tell me he doesn't know what either.

Lookie here pretty boy, I don't care how gorgeous you are, but right now, you are the same as that bald man to me!

Yes I will always be in a very bad mood on Mondays.

Well I'll give him credit for being pretty. I'll give him a couple chances to speak.

Or else death will do him apart.

Apart from his precious baby maker!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- anyways...

"Err, sir? Siiiir--!"

Gasp! Was he… glaring at me? That rude egocentric bastardtistical yes that's a word incredibly handsome mysterious total stranger ASS!

"You're annoying."

Oh hell was about to let loose!

…

Tenten-chan was looking at me from the back, looking… uh curious? Yeah curious, like she was wondering what I'd say this time.

Well she was going to get a handful.

That--

"YOU EGO MINDED RUDE ASSED MANWHORE! IS IT SO WRONG THAT I WAS CONCERNED FOR YOUR WELL BEING?! CONCERNED YOU WERE DEAF?! OR MUTE!? 'YOU'RE ANNOYING!' WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?!"

Everybody in the café looked at me in interest, wondering just 'what.'

He gave me a bored look though.

KAMI! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! YEAH I'M SO MAD I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER ADDING THE –SAMA PART TO KAMI! (Gomenasai, Kami!)

"HERE'S WHAT! I'M TAKING AN EARLY LUNCH BREAK! HMPH!"

And with that, I threw off my black The Honey Bean apron and walked—no, stomped—out of the café.

…

Aw dear Kami-sama.

Well… you know… maybe we didn't accidentally bump into each other at a coffee shop and I spilled coffee on him and will eventually fall in love…

But uh… it could be we had a huge spat at a coffee shop wherein I was practically screaming at He the Customer and we'll eventually fall in love?

…

I'm pathetic.

Either way…

I hope he was gaping at my grand exit.

…

Aw crap.

I didn't deserve to live.

Or have a job.

* * *

**Well this is the prologue!**

**So looks like Sakura-chan _really_ had a bad morning didn't she now.**

**I hope you guys will like this story since I plan on it being more focused on the Romance instead of the unending Drama. Plus some humor along the way, I've had enough of balling my eyes out watching K-Dramas just so I could have enough inspiration to write a total sad heartbreaking scene for WAPHW.**

**Which now that we've mentioned that, I've covered the first half of the 23rd chapter for WAPHW. (WANTED: A PINK HAIRED WIFE)**

**I'm sorry I'm keeping you guys waiting what with the evil cliffhanger and such. But, I promise it'll be out uh… soon?**

**Well again, school is starting so.**

**Ugh.**

**Well I'm not ashamed of asking for reviews.**

**So… maybe you can contribute some support to the poor authoress? ;D**


	2. Elevators and Big Bucks

**A/N; Hm, after a lot of positive reviews, I've decided to just to hell with it and commit suicide. I'll probably get killed for not updating WAPHW because of this one, but it's ok, I did it for the reviews. Ohohohoho… 6-6**

**I'll say that when I see Kami-sama.**

"**Kami-sama, I did it for the reviews. They're too yummy, yummy!"**

**And Kami-sama will look me straight in the eyes and go:**

"**You, my child, are weird. We have a special place just for people like you!"**

**I could almost hear him now!**

**Kya!**

**T-T **

**Goodbye everyone! I loved you!**

**--**

Another Sad Fact of Life—if you chew on dog toys, it strengthens your teeth. If you chew on the authoress, she'll bite you back and say 'back off bitch this _isn't_ mine!'

* * *

_**Sayonara My Sanity! 2.two ((Elevators and Big Bucks))**_

What do I do??

My life is nearly ruined!!

For all I know, I might get fired in a minute! I can practically imagine it already… the phone rings… and Tsunade-shishou scolds me… and then dun, dun, dun! The big moment! She says the forbidden words, "You're FIRED!!" (Cough, quoted from Mr. Trump himself!) I know, I'm unoriginal and completely lame.

_So?!_

I was raised by an incredibly strange father that always somehow tries to lighten the mood by cracking the weirdest of jokes. He even uses these little riddled jokes so I'll be like "HUH." and my mom just starts laughing and then my father thinks he's funny. Obviously my mom loves him too much to tell him the truth.

Well either way, I'll still love my incredibly lame cracking daddy… I hope.

So maybe if you guys are nice enough, you'll pray for me and we can all hope the forbidden phone won't ring and Tsunade-shishou won't say the forbidden—

"_Let the drummer kick… let the drummer kick that!" _

Oh my Kami-sama.

My phone just rang.

WEREN'T YOU PEOPLE PRAYING?!

WHY CAN'T YOU BE NICE TO ME FOR ONCE?!

**UGH**.

I can never trust you people that just stare at the screen all day! Thanks _a lot_! Now I might as well go live on the street. _Greeaat_. That was sarcasm by the way if you didn't know that.

… **Yeah**. I tend to have _quite_ the attitude when I'm _FREAKING PISSED OFF_.

OK… it's ok Sakura; it's perfectly OK… just pick up the phone… and answer it normally. We can always find another job!

… Oh who am I kidding I'll probably get kicked out of the place as soon as I explain to them just why I got fired from my old job!!

I CAN'T DO THIS!

I CAN'T DIE LIKE THIS!

I NEED MONEY!

I NEED TO SURVIVE!!

ONEGAI!!

I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO SAY ONEGAI IN ENGLISH!

PLEASE!!

BE MERCIFUL ON A YOUNG '_innocent_ _**little**__'_ GIRL!!

I'M A HOBO!

Hmph.

I have MORE dignity than this! I can pick up a phone without hyperventilating like Tokyo just got owned by Shanghai.

OK… here goes…

EVERYTHING!

(Sobs!!)

… "M-Moshi-moshi?"

Wow… I sound like Hinata-chan. Not that I'm offending you Hinata-chan, but that _**is**_ how you kind of always talk.

OK… let's just talk… I'll be fine!!

Aw great I didn't even bother to check who called. It might not even be Tsunade-shishou! Now I probably sound pathetic to the other person on the line! Ugh!

Why do I even bother trying to live?

"_SAKURA-CHAN!! OH MY KAMI-SAMA! I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE FOREVER SAKURA-CHAN! I REALLY, _REALLY_, __**REALLY**__ MISSED YOU!!"_

HOLY MAMA STICKING FISH ASSES!

THAT DUDE TALKING IS **LOUD**!! I'm holding the phone like a mile away and I can STILL hear him! Meep! OK, maybe not a MILE but… uh…really far away?

Yeah!

Really, REALLY, far away!

And—oh…

My, this dude's voice certainly sounds familiar…hmm… who could he be?

"Uh… hi uh…uh…uh…_you_! Hi _you_! How are _you_ uh doing? I uh really, really, **REALLY** missed YOU too _**YOU**_!"

That was… a really nice cover right?! He won't know that I don't know him and I won't have to tell him I don't know who he is!! Yay!

"_Aw Sakura-chan! I missed you too! Hey can you say my name? I miss hearing you say my name even if you yell it most of the time…"_

Sweat drops.

Oh shoot.

Greeeaat.

Doesn't this idiot sound like he knows how to ruin everyone's plans including someone's world domination one… ugh… who is this kid? How the hell does he know my name?!

And what the hell does he mean I yell his name most of the time?!

…

…

…

..—_**EEWWW**_!!

Definitely not why I yell his name!

Hmm… who can be this annoying… who… who… aye get out of my head Ino-pig, I know it's not you… but some dude with blonde hair and blue eyes too… someone like…

"N-Naruto?"

"_YEAH! I MISSED YOU SAYING MY NAME! THAT SOUNDED AWESOME! Hey Sakura-chan, do you still live where you used to live?"_

OMK!! I REMEMBERED! I REMEMBERED! WOOHOO! OH YEA DO THE VICTORY DANCE BABY!!

So it's Naruto! I remember him! It's the blonde freak that causes trouble everywhere he goes! Wow… it's been like… 3 years hasn't it? That's probably how long it's been since I've talked to him. The last time I remember, he was moving to America for his new job at some company called uh… Uchiha Enterprises?

Yeah that was it! He was working as the C.E.O's PA of the American Uchiha Enterprises branch!

Wow, haha, I wonder how many times that C.E.O was late for his meetings!!

"Of course! Never will I move away from this pawnsome house! I've been here since I was 13, Naruto!"

"_Haha, that's right! I remember you told me, 'I'd even give up most of my money for this house' and then Shikamaru was like 'then how can you keep the house if you don't have the money?' Aw man that was awesome, Haruno Sakura gets owned in the brains section!" _

OK this _stupid_ _idiot_ (that's an emphasize on STUPID and IDIOT, those two words combined meaning he's a SUPER STUPID IDIOT. (Confused much? Not me!) also has the wonderful ability to make people get pissed off at him VERY easily.

_**Che**_.

That was a one time thing.

I've never even spoken to Shikamaru after that incident.

I think it was…

A… _Monday_.

Oh.

That's probably why I've never talked to him again. _**Wow**_… I should probably keep away from people on Mondays huh?

Tenten-chan thinks Mondays are my Accident/PMS-Prone Days.

Which is _SO_ not true!

(Agree with me or you'll suffer a painful and slow death)

Aw, I knew you'd see it my way!

But seriously, everyone I know thinks I should take a chill pill on Mondays or something. It's REALLY weird, isn't it? I mean, sure I'm not on my best moods on Monday, but that certainly doesn't mean that I'm _not_ controlled. I'll have everyone know, I am as controlled as controlled gets! Fear my **E.L.O.D**! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**(Bilingual Dictionary—English to Sakura, Sakura to English. Page 69; Word- E.L.O.D; Def.—**_**E.L.O.D, the acronym Sakura term for 'Evil Laughter of Doom.' Usually is used when Sakura-sama has another new plot to take over the world using evil penguins. Or when she is bored. Or when she's evil. Or when she's being arrogant about being the world's Most Controlled Person. **_**Part of Speech—**_**Noun**_**. Pronunciation: Ee-LAWD.)**

Hmm, what should I say to Naruto so it doesn't sound like I'm breaking my pencil sharpener…_gently_?

"You baka! That was just ONE TIME! And Shikamaru just couldn't take an exaggeration the right way. That's bad for him, very bad, Naruto. Humans should know how to differ tones between sarcasm, deadpanning, joking, or exaggerating. Otherwise, they are not human. Because most humans that do know what those said words mean, should be able to differ between them!"

There!

My super duper spectacular smart reply! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Take that you blue eyed yellow haired DOG!

_Actually I think he looks more like a fox._

WHO THE HELL ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION?!

…_Sheesh. _

Hmph. I thought so!

"_Uh… uh… uh… what'd you say? Deadpanning? How do you do that? What do you do, pan the dead? Hahaha, like hit zombies over the head with a pan or something?? Hahahahahahahaha!"_

Oh yea.

I totally forgot.

Naruto was—_**is**_ one of the people that don't know how to differ anything.

Much less know the meaning of any of those '_big'_ words.

Che.

I forgot.

He doesn't even know what a **rainbow** is.

He thought it was bowing… _in the rain_.

…

I KNOW RIGHT?!

Ugh.

And to think I grew up with him. I mean even I don't have that much issues!

…Shut up.

"…Naruto… you… are… SO TOTALLY RIGHT!"

Let's see if he knows this is sarcasm right here.

Bet you 20 American bucks he doesn't.

"_Sakura-chan, don't be sarcastic! It hurts me!"_

What the f_**u**_c**k**.

How the heck did that idiot manage to tell that I was being sarcastic and not know what the hell _deadpanning_ is. Oi vey…

"Haha… oh you…smart… smart Naruto… you'll always know when I'm being sarcastic huh? Ahahaha… ha… eh…"

Oh boy…this is going to be a loooooong phone call…

-

-

-

"Sakura! There's an order at Uchiha Enterprises. I need you to deliver! Make sure there's a black coffee and an orange juice. Don't be late either. They paid us big bucks!!" Anko screamed from her office as I was just about to get a cup from the cabinet. I looked up and-

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--!!"

I suddenly remembered the customers in the shop and felt like being considerate. MUHAHAHAHA.

"--FUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!"

KAMI DANG IT THOSE STUPID CABINETS!!

Great now I have some kind of ugly bluey bruise on my head. Ugh.

Cabinets.

They're so stupid.

We should have like…**invisible** ones. _Che_. Hell yea. Awesome idea isn't it? Thank you. Thank you very much.

Mwahahahaha. Fear my power!

Ahem. ANYWAYS.

I got up from my painful _fall from grace_ and proceeded to ignore the stares I was receiving and walked to Anko's office with my head held high.

See Mommy? I did well at school! I used pretty poetic phrases!!

-BANG-

The door to Anko's office slammed open with my forceful kick. Obviously I couldn't use my hands since I was using them to rub my poor little bruised head. My cute little precious pink colored baby is all bruised up now. STUPID CABINETS.

You just wait till I go get my lawyer… I'll wring off your little doors and see then if you want to _screw_ with me anymore!!

Hahahaha get it?

Screw with me anymore!

Little doors??

Get it!?

No?

Ok fine whatever.

-Sniffs-

You people are so uncreative.

Hmph.

"ANKO. If I deliver, do I get 50 percent tip from the dude. Since you said he paid big bucks does that mean he pays big tips too??" my eyes shined brightly with new found hope!!

…

-Cough-

I totally aced high school poetry. Mwahahaha.

"I don't know Pinky. Now get your frilly ass out of my office. I need my beauty sleep. These customers aren't going to want to see an ugly person when they request to see the manager of this place."

GASP! What's that supposed to mean you little purple haired grandma!?

"Especially with you around these days, I've been getting uglier than I should… I think I'm starting to grow grey hair too… you, Miss Pinky, are a hazard to my beauty. Keep away from customers on Mondays would you? In fact, keep away from this SHOP on Mondays…" Anko gave me THE LOOK as I bit down on a piece of strawberry I found in our fridge that was filled with fruity goodies.

"Yea, yea, yea… I'll do whatever as long as I get my tip…I'm not even a delivery boy…I mean girl… ugh…"

As if you're getting any prettier…

Hmph, well I'm a nice person, so I decided to keep quiet and walked out of the office _quietly_.

-BOOM-

Except for the cup of pencils I knocked over _accidentally_.

-BANG-

And the spoon that fell out of my pocket _accidentally_.

-SLAM-

And of course the door that got _blown by the wind_.

If you know what I mean.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

"PINKY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY OFFICE! YOU'RE CLEANING THIS PLACE UP TONIGHT!"

Aw crap. I wanted to go catch a movie too… -sniff-…

-

-

"Hi, I have a delivery for um, a Mr. Uchiha Sasuke? He ordered two drinks from The Honey Bean."

Sigh…I'm getting so tired of being nice to every stranger I see. Oh well, this girl looks at least a little bit worth to be nice to.

"Oh, that's right! Uchiha-sama told me he had two orders coming. OK, well you just take the elevator, they're over there in the far right hallway, and his office would be on the 23rd floor. After you get off the elevator, there should be a receptionist on that floor and you can ask her and she'll take you to his room." the girl smiled at me.

I read her nametag… what!?

I like remembering nice people!!

_Sasame_

Doesn't it sound like that seasoning sauce thingy?

What was it uh…

Sesame! Hahaha like Sesame Street…ah these funny names…

Wait.

Hold on.

Rewind.

And play!

"_Oh, that's right! Uchiha-sama told me he had two orders coming. OK, well you just take the elevator-!"_

"_OK, well you just take the elevator-!"_

"_You just take the elevator-!"_

"_Just take the elevator-!"_

"_Take the elevator-!"_

"_The elevator-!"_

"_**Elevator**__-!" _

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

-

-

-

It's OK Sakura…

You can do this…

It's JUST the elevator…

Nothing to worry.

Yea that's it!

It's just an elevator.

It's a machine.

You're a human.

You can do this.

Take a deep breath in.

-Breath-

And let it out…

-Breath-

…

…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! **NOOOOOOOO**! I DON'T WANNA GO!! **KAMI-SAMA**!!"

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!

"Shut up."

I'M TOO-

Who the hell just said that?!

I opened my eyes and looked behind me.

GASP.

"YOU! YOU…YOU… YOU BUTTASS!"

It's the gorgeous idiot from yesterday!!

Noooooo!!

What was he doing here?!

"...Hn…"

Ugh he's so _annoying_!!

Che and he calls me annoying! At least I use proper words! Unlike you! You mute elf! Hmph!

"What kind of person is scared of an elevator?"

Oh my gosh! He said a complete sentence!

Let's celebrate by dancing around and holding up more big words for him to say! Yay mute elf!! You did it! Your very first sentence!!

See how exaggerating that was?

It just explains how little he talks.

"Who said I was scared of the elevator?! Pft… you didn't know what I was talking about! Don't assume things! Really… people these days…"

And to prove my wonderful point, I put one foot in and courageously put the other one in a couple seconds later.

I heard him step inside the elevator and it was just the two of us as the doors closed.

GASP.

I flinched when our fingers accidentally touched, we were both reaching for the 23 button.

I glanced at him to give him a glare as he looked at me blankly.

Stupid cold ass.

All he can do is stare. 'Hn' and be rude to people.

I hate him.

No matter how gorgeous his eyes are…

Or how beautiful the shade of his lips look…

Or how shiny his hair just glows…

Or how smooth and pale his skin is…

Or- KAMI DANG IT!!

MUST NOT…DREAM…ABOUT THE ENEMY!!

GAH!!

I jumped nearly a whole mile away from the dude and clutched the cup holder that was holding the two drinks to my chest tightly.

I saw him look at me and-

GASP.

WAS HE GAWKING AT MY CHEST?!

"YOU LITTLE PERVERT! YOU GET YOUR EYES OFF-!"

-BANG-

…

"…What was that…?"

I carefully asked the only other human inside the death coaster with me.

As usual, his tone was blank as he deadpanned the obvious to me.

"The elevator stopped."

…

"Why?"

OK or maybe not so obvious.

I blinked as he started to twitch.

"It broke."

"…So call for help!"

…

I mean come on, if it broke then you call for help. Duh! Even a monkey knows the answer to that one!

Ha!

"The guards are out for lunch."

Ohhh lunch! That makes me hungry!

"Oh… OK…"

Wait.

Lunch?!

NOOOOOOOO--

"—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Why am I screaming?

Because.

I was stuck in an elevator with just about the rudest sexiest man on Earth.

And we're alone.

In pitch black.

And this just about explains everything on why I hate elevators.

* * *

**The first official chapter of SMS! **

**Woohoo!!**

**Haha, Sakura-chan's stuck in an elevator with.. someone we already met before, yet don't know the name of!! ;O **

**Haha, well I'm sorry for the late update!! But college calls! Hehe!**

**Review for me!! I'll give you an early Christmas present!!**

**;)**

**Happy Halloween kids!!**


	3. Broken Elevators and Physical Contact

**A/N; Lalalalalalalalaa I'M HOOOOOOOOOOOOME HONEY!!! :D DID YOU MISS ME?! I KNOW I MISSED YOU LOVEY DOVEY! DID YOU MISS MY STORIES?! I KNOW I MISSED YOUR REVIEWS HONEY BABEY!! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?! I KNOW I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU SWEETHEART!! **

**Ahem.**

**Please excuse this mentally retarded authoress that is trying to get over her overjoyed happiness in updating once again. It has been a while. … **

**--------**

Another Sad Fact of Life—when life gives you lemons, just squeeze it and chuck it back at whoever gave it to you and scream "I DON'T HAVE A CAR!" :O

* * *

_**Sayonara My Sanity! ((Broken Elevators and Physical Contact!))**_

OHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHMYKAMIOHHH!

I'M TRAPPED IN AN ELEVATOR!

PITCH BLACK!

ALONE!

WITH JUST ABOUT THE HOTTEST MAN ON EARTH!

AND WE'RE STANDING LIKE.

3 FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!

MEEEEEEEPPPPPP!

IS THIS KAMI-SAMA'S REVENGE ON ME?! IS THIS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ADD THE –SAMA TO YOUR NAME KAMI-SAMA?! WHY MUST YOU BE SO RIDICULOUSLY HARSH ON THIS INNOCENT SOUL OF MINE?!

I'M SO YOUNG!

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY DELIVERING COFFEE AND THEN I-

-CRASH-

Oh my Kami-sama.

The elevator just had this huge bumpy thingy. And guess what the '_best'_ part is? I just had to trip on my own two feet—wait is it _two_ feet or _one_ foot? Because you know you can't trip over _two_ feet because you only **have** two feet and you need _one_ to trip on and—_oh_ never mind.

But like I was _SAYING_. I had to trip on my _own_ (two _or_ one) feet (_foot_?), and then there I went, falling into **The Man**.

You know I think I'm just about THE _smartest_ person on Earth. I mean I'm not _bragging_, but I did get mostly Straight A's and a couple B's in my high school years.

… '_How the hell did she do THAT?'_

_WHO JUST SAID THAT?! _

I'd like _you_ to know that I **AM** VERY OH SO _SMART_. _**Pft**_. It's _no_ surprise I get just A's and B's. I mean.

It's not that hard to believe that me, _**I**_, am smart.

SO DON'T YOU GO AROUND DISBELIEVING ME WHEN I SAY I'M SMART.

'_Right…' _

Pft. So. Back to my point. (_Smilesmilesmile_)

So there's no harm in saying I'm smart, I mean, no sarcasm and all.

Because if you ever tell me I'm smart in a sarcastic way, I will fry up your little fingers and stuff them in your mouth until you're bleeding so much…_you can't even taste your own fried fingers_.

…

…

**…**

_**MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **_

Mama _always_ said I would grow up to be a _sadistic_ little child.

I didn't believe her exactly.

Until _now_.

I mean, I knew there was a reason why I always enjoyed other people's pain. Not a _gory_ pain but small pains like, tripping, or falling, or getting a cut, or bumping their head into something, you know—_that_ kind of pain!

But what kind of pain I definitely didn't enjoy…was my own pain.

And it definitely hurt.

You know—bumping your head into a stone _WALL_.

Oh no wait.

That was the dude's chest.

Dang dude. You must work out a LOT!

I mean honestly, what weird little child would work out to have their chest inflated with muscles? Definitely not me. Not that I _can't_, I'm just…naturally soft chested.

I mean, I'm female. We're expected to be _soft_ chested.

(_Winkwinkwinknudgenudge—_you know what I mean!)

So wouldn't it be sort of _weird_, if I started copying that _ManWithTheHardChestWhomYouShan'tEverBumpIntoAgain_ and made my chest totally completely _hard_?

I mean…is it…possible? For females to have _hard_ chests? Like…_billboard_ hard?!

…

Well back to the situation at hand—by the way, did you know I get distracted so easily?! I mean one minute I'm talking bout one thing…and the next… I don't know… my mind wanders off to Dilly Dally Land. Haha. Dilly-Dally-Land. Funny.

Yea, not so much.

Well anyways.

So maybe, this man sort of has smoldering dark eyes.

And _maybe_ I might be a _little_ attracted to him—in the _least_ romantic way of course.

But he STARED at my CHEST…so that sort of ruined anything we had going. I mean, if we ended up getting together, everything would be so cliché. I could totally imagine the whole entire story from beginning to end—ugh, too cliché.

Shall I outline everything for you—whoever you are—and if you exist?

Ugh, let's stop talking about weird things and I'll just tell you the whole cliché theme.

Alright, so first we met at a coffee shop—which is The Honey Bean, and soon after we meet again through some weird second encounter—in my case, this elevator droppy bumpy non-moving thingy, then soon after I discover something totally unreal about him, wherein after we begin to see each other on more weird incidents, in which one of us fall for each other (he'll probably fall for me because my charm is just too hard to resist—hah!), and they confess to the other in which the other is shocked before replying in happiness that they love the other as well and they live happily ever after.

Oh Kami, I have to do whatever I can to prevent that cliché from happening. Ugh.

I looked up to meet the face of the human wall before chuckling sheepishly. "Yea…sorry about that. I usually don't go bumping into people's hard…chests…" I coughed awkwardly before laughing nervously, "So…the guards are out for lunch?" might as well make small talk if we're destined for a life together.

I watched him stare at me for a long time as I clutched the tray of coffee closer to myself before backing up slowly. He opened his mouth to reply, "…They won't be back until an hour."

My jaw dropped.

AN HOUR!?

"AN HOUR?! What kind of place gives an _hour_ lunch break?! My coffee shop gives me fifteen minutes to drink coffee—that takes like _TEN_ MINUTES to _make_! Ugh. I would _kill_ to work here!" at the word "kill," I saw the dark haired man move away.

I twitched and remained silent after he didn't reply to me. Because I'm _not_ going to talk to him if he doesn't talk to me! I'll give him the silent treatment too.

Pft.

Two can play at that game.

AND I AM NOT BEING IMMATURE!!

...If that voice goes off again, I WILL FIND THE OWNER OF THAT VOICE AND oh, you do NOT want to know what I'm going to _do_ to that owner.

Lalala, lovely day isn't it? EXCEPT FOR THIS _STUPID_ ELEVATOR.

Grr.

Hmph.

Well, since there's nothing to better… I might as well "examine" (cough_checkout_cough) my current seat buddy in this death coaster.

Messy…spiky…chicken butt resembling dark black hair with tints of blue in them under the light… (_ohhhhhh_…real pretty…)

Dark…dark…dark…smoldering…and slightly frightening onyx eyes… that totally clashed with his pale skin tone… like…a vampire…like…an _Edward_! Gasp! Ew. No way _this_ guy would ever be compared to _my_ dear precious Edward Cullen!

I mean—so what if this guy is drop dead gorgeous? And dressed like he's a boss in his black sleek v-neck that was probably Calvin Klein or something… and so what if they showed off his lean arms… and I don't care how the way his shirt was tucked into a pair of black trousers (that was probably some other expensive brand) with that black belt looked sort of sexy… and I don't care about those black leather shoes!

'_Mhmm…keep lying to yourself…'_

_(Poutpoutpout) _LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU WEIRD VOICE!

'_Hey kid! My voice happens to be GORGEOUS!'_

Did your mom tell you that?

'…_NO! My_ **dad** _did.'_

I will proceed to ignore both the voice and the man—AH!

((CRASH!)) ((_Flicker, flicker_))

OH MY KAMI-SAMA! SAVE ME! WE JUST HAD ANOTHER WEIRD CRASH!!

AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN!!!!! AND THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED OFF!

AND NOW I'M REALLY STUCK IN HERE WITH THIS GUY DRESSED IN ALL BLACK—OMK!

ELEVATORS. STUCK. MEN IN BLACK. LIGHTS TURNED OFF.

MY BIGGEST FEAR IS COMING TRUE! SAVE ME!!!!!!!

"_KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_!"

-

-

-

"…_You're annoying." _

My eyes were tearing up now I knew it.

I just can't take it anymore!

First I get stuck in this elevator with a man that I screamed at just the other day—and then there had to be a CRASH, and then I had to scream, and somehow I ended up jumping onto this man who had to fall and now we're in an uber awkward position and now I get called _annoying_!

Could anything else get even _worse_?!

AHHHH. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. DON'T JINX IT, DAMN IT!

I was probably sniffing unconsciously because I guess this man actually had _enough_ feelings to feel compelled to awkwardly pat me on the back…he just **sucked** at comforting _verbally_.

He was currently sitting cross legged and being me, I had hopped onto his lap when we fell out of pure reflexes (my _scared_ reflexes.) I sat on his lap with my body turned to the side and my legs stretched straight out, my arms clinging to his neck tightly as I continued sniffing. He had raised an arm to pat me on the back and the other was just awkwardly on the floor next to his leg.

I calmed down as the patting got to me, but the tears were still spilled at the corner of my eyes and I guess I was somewhat glad the light was off so he couldn't see my pathetic-ness right now.

Imagine; the same cashier that had verbally attacked him the other day, now curled up in his lap, _crying _because of a dark, spooky, and stuck elevator.

WHICH BY THE WAY—IS A VERY GOOD REASON TO CRY BECAUSE YOU WOULD CRY TOO IF YOU WERE STUCK HERE.

'_No. I'd be raping the guy.' _

...I'm going to keep ignoring you, you _rapist_ voice. (Oh yea, you were promoted from _annoying_ voice to _rapist_ voice, _woohoo_ for you.)

It was then it clicked in my head (_ding_! Hehe, see? The light bulb flashed and _clicked_! _Gigglegigglegiggle._)

I felt… _**bad**_.

'_Gasp! No!' _

_**Shutup before I promote you to I Will Kill the Hell out of You Voice**_.

'…'

Hm. I thought so.

…

(_Smilesmilesmile_)

Right…so like I was saying… I felt bad. I mean… after yelling at him… and having to make him go through my torturous voice that can be quite loud _sometimes… _now I'm making him lose his ego to comfort me.

I turned my head up and knew I was really close to him because I felt the heat from his body warm me up, and I heard his ragged breathing.

I blushed.

Because come on. I'm an inch away from a pretty hot guy, blushing is _natural_.

I opened my mouth to speak as I felt his hand drop from my back and stopped patting me.

"I'm…sorry…" I sniffed again as I brought up a hand to wipe away the tears from the corners of my eyes.

I felt him stiffen at my sudden speaking.

"…_Hn…"_

What an ass.

Even after my _very_ hard to say apology for being such a drag… he's still so…**_GRR_**.

((_Flicker, flicker))_

The lights turned on!

My eyes widened and I squealed happily before I hopped up ecstatically, running over to grab my tray of coffee.

…Only to find out…

"…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

I had long dropped the tray and the coffee had all spilled out.

There goes my money.

(Sniff, sniff)

DAMN IT.

STUPID ELEVATOR. THIS JUST GIVES ME ONE MORE REASON TO HATE ELEVATORS MORE.

I ran over and knelt down to MOURN FOR MY DEAD COFFEE.

"COFFEE-CHAN! I WAS GOING TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF YOU TOO!" I cried…and cried… and cried.

Before I forgot all about it as the doors of the elevators slid open and I felt FRESH AIR.

My eyes lit up—no seriously, I FELT them light up! Like Christmas lights! Hahahaha. That looks funny. (You know it does.)

I sniffed and looked up when I saw a pair of familiar black leather shoes… and a hand extended out to me.

I blinked stupidly. Because I was born stupid—I didn't know that he was offering me help.

And so, I saw him twitch twice before he just leaned down and forcefully helped me up, pulling my hand up. I squealed as I was pulled up, I looked up and blushed when I saw his face right above mine.

Heh. I'm so creative. You know what I did?

I turned away!

HAH!

"…Thank you," I said because nice, normal, and polite people always say thank you when they are helped… _forcefully or not_.

"…_Che_. You better bring me back new coffee, stupid woman."

I still wasn't looking at him and so I was surprised when I heard him speak a full sentence.

I twitched before moving away to take a full look at him with my arms on either sides of my hips. What a manbitch!

"YOU….YOU…YOU _STUPID_!"

And SHUT UP ALRIGHT?! I'm too upset to find a better word.

HE INSULTED ME. "Stupid woman." GRR. GRR. GRR.

I WILL FIND THIS GUY. AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, IT WILL BE WHEN HE IS _SLEEPING_ WHERE I WILL KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP BY CHOPPING HIM INTO TINY BITS AND FEED IT TO MY NEIGHBOR'S _DOG_.

GRR. GRR. GRR.

He totally IGNORED ME. And marched right out of that elevator—_oh_.

(_Gigglegigglegiggle_)

I blinked before smiling a tiny smile.

I had caught it before he walked completely out.

He was blushing too.

-

-

-

"ANKO! YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY?!"

I burst through the door of her office, managing to knock down everything again—well maybe not _knock_ down, you see, they _fell_ and then—oh _whatever_.

Anko stared up at me from her place at her desk, her head sprawled lazily onto it, and I spotted some drool. Ew. I didn't know Anko _drooled_.

"What?" her voice was uninterested and drawled out, she was obviously sleepy.

I took a deep breath in…(and then out!) and proceeded to explain things calmly to her.

"Well…you see…after you told me to go deliver that order to Uchiha Enterprises, I went there and the lady—Sasame or Sesame seed or yea, yea, yea. Well, she told me to go on the ELEVATOR…and when I got on it, I was accompanied by that rude ass jerk that was in the store the other day WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HECK TO ORDER, and then I GOT TRAPPED IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM AND THEN IT KEPT CRASHING AND THE LIGHTS TURNED OFF AND THEN I GOT SCARED SO I JUMPED ONTO HIM, AND IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD BUT THEN IT WAS REALLY WARM BUT IT FELT WEIRD AND THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED ON AGAIN BUT THEN THE COFFEE DIED AND THEN THAT MAN HAD THE NERVE TO CALL ME STUPID!"

Even after I finished making my awesome point—YES I WAS MAKING A POINT—Anko just STARED AT ME.

What is wrong with that woman?!

Maybe she was born by some ALIEN who had NO FEELINGS—at least not the RIGHT feelings and then Anko grew up like the alien which led to TODAY.

GRR. GRR. GRR.

FRUSTRATION IS BAD FOR MY BRAIN—IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A DOG.

"You got stuck in an elevator with a sexy man that's the C.E.O of Uchiha Enterprises. Isn't that a good thing?"

…C.E.O!? HE'S THE C.E.O OF—sigh. I'm too tired after today to take in new information anymore.

It's just not good for me. It makes me emotionally imbalanced.

'_Oh so THAT'S why—!'_

OH. REST IN PEACE, WOULD YOU, YOU RAPIST VOICE?!

'…'

Hmph.

I met Anko's stare and pouted before turning around and promptly stomped out of her office—this time, I will not bother to pick the fallen things up.

Because.

She was right. And I hate it when she's right.

Because.

It _was_ a good thing.

-

**H**

**U**

**G**

**E**

-

**C**

**L**

**I**

**C**

**H**

**É **

-

-

-

"SAKURA! Remember—you're cleaning up tonight."

…

DAMN IT, DAMN IT, **DAMN IT**.

GRR. GRR. **_GRR_**.

STUPID, STUPID, **_STUPID_**!!!

EMOTIONAL IMBALANCES I TELL YOU—**_EMOTIONAL IMBALANCES_**!

_GRR_.

* * *

**So then if you haven't figured it out—the man was our dear beloved ever so vengeful avenger, Uchiha Sasuke! :D**

**Alright, I'm SUPER sorry for the late update.**

**I mean, I know its been… uh…maybe half a year? Hahahaha… please don't kill me?**

**I LOVE YOU!**

**Review for me! I'll write faster! ;)**

_Lots of love,_

_XOXO Kaze-chan _


End file.
